The Toilet Paper Eating Tree Is Dying

Smile while you can, bitch!

Auburn will soon lose the only real tradition they have. The greatest tree in Trailer-ville is going the way of the dodo. Apparently, the natives have fed the "great consumer of all things triple plied" far too many times. The subsequent cleanings of the remaining morsels have taken it's toll on their deciduous deity. Then there was the time a drunken dog(they will tell you it was an elephant) collided into the tree with a red(they will tell you it was crimson) doghouse. Oh Tree o' TP, I'm sure your legend will be colored into the coloring books of Auburn's archives alongside other great trees like The White Tree of Gondor and The Great Deku Tree.

The Council To Keep The Bovine Intellects Happy has already begun a hastened search for a practice to fill this eventual hole.

Future sites under consideration:

• Jonathan B. Lovelace (father of Linda, I assume) Athletic Museum and Hall of Honor: Where Auburn fans can pay homage to the only national championships they possess, in swimming. The swim team is known as The Scissor Kick Sisters in these parts. Pay particular attention to pictures #10,11,14, and 15.


• Old Man Willy's Silo at the Auburn University Agricultural Heritage Park: The Red Barn, Dairy Barn and silos across from athletic complex will be restored to working order with an addition of an amphitheater and pavilion to promote agricultural learning that displays the area's history. Note to reader: I named it Old Man Willy's silo but the rest of the description is from the website.


• Westwood Drive Cemetery: You're not killing anything in there that isn't already dead.

(HT: Stubone)